I like Kevin Harvick. I respect his driving skills. My respect grew as I watched his fighting
skills with Juan Pablo Montoya (JPM) at Watkins Glen last weekend. Harvick’s a smart guy and he's figured out the rules
for fighting in NASCAR.
Here are a few of the rules:
Rule No. 1:Take care in picking your opponent: Choose a smaller guy, the shorter the better.
Even if he's a good fighter, towering over him during the discussion phase of the fight can be intimidating and may be the
edge you need. Find a scrawny one with spindly arms. An opponent with short legs may be a good option should you need to make
a hasty retreat. Pick a nice guy. You don't want to fight anyone of regardless of size when they actually look
forward to fighting. The best fight is the one where no punches are thrown. In NASCAR, the best choices of opponent might
be Jeff Gordon (small), Matt Kenseth (seems nice), John Andretti (small and nice) or even JPM (at least he's small).
Guys you wouldn't
pick are drivers like Carl Edwards (too muscular), Ryan Newman (built like a linebacker), or Dale Earnhardt Jr. (if he has
any of his old man in him, you don't want any part of that. In addition, popularity means a lot of help and you don't
want that either). Erin Crocker would not be a good choice either, what happens if she whoops you? This could
be bad for your reputation.
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Rule
No. 2:Never take your helmet off: Jeff Gordon taught us this lesson in
his square off with Matt Kenseth. Most guys are going to try to punch you in the face. A helmet is great protection for
your face and is going to really hurt their hand if they do try the head shot. Most fighters with a broken hand
are going to give up more quickly regardless of their size.
Rule No. 3:Take care in selecting the location of the fight: Even small guys can have big crew
members, so your best choice would be somewhere away from the crew, unless of course you have really big crew members too.
Pick some place well away from the pits; say in the middle of a road course at Watkins Glen as an example.
Rule No. 4:Make sure there is someone impartial around: A NASCAR official
is a good example. Should you pick the wrong guy and he starts wailing on you, you want to make sure there is someone
to step in and stop the fight.
Rule No. 5:Use hurtful words rather pushing and shoving: If you come out swinging, your opponent might start swinging back
and you could get hurt. The old sticks and stones concept is cute, but words can be really hurtful and mean-spirited. Remember
the best fight is the one where no punches are thrown. Keep you hands low possibly on your hips or even cross your arms. This
sends a message of low hostility and you always have the helmet in case he does take a swing
Rule No. 6: Never get whooped: You get whooped just one time and now
everybody thinks they can take you and you get more fights than you can handle. If you never get whooped, or better
yet never even get in a real punches thrown fight, the world will never know if you can fight or not. This theme threads
throughout the rules for NASCAR fighting. Only pick fights that you know you can win or better yet one where no
actual punches are thrown.
Now like most of us, I don't race cars, so this information may be more useful to the 43
who suit up on the weekends. But if you do get an opportunity, take a page from Harvick’s book and fight smart.
